This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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