I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You ruined the universe
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
