It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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