i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
