she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
