I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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