When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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