wat bout pragnant strippers??
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
