I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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