I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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