Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
