if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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