READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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