accomplished twins. life is a go
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
