I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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