so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
