called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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