I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
