if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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