she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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