I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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