She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
