i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
