And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
