for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize