I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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