I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize