You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
