How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
