As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
