i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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