If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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