i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
