Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
