No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
