i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
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