Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize