It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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