Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize