If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think your dad took our porno
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
