Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
