Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
