those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
