Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
