Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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