my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
