All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
