That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
