Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
