I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
