You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
