Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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