I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
