is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
