Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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