Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize