I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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