with your own penis?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
