I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
