I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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