Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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