I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My dick has a subreddit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
