So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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