Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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