The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
