Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
